


Talking To A Wall

by lmc_TicDonPete



Series: Conversation [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Black Character(s), Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Original Character(s), Peter Parker Needs a Hug, References to Depression, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 12:32:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18094373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmc_TicDonPete/pseuds/lmc_TicDonPete
Summary: Peter talks to a women on the bus.Peter didn’t know who to go to anymore. So, he goes to someone who has ears and the time to talk.





	Talking To A Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings.. yadda yadda yadda:  
> -Suicidal Thoughts/Actions  
> -Depression  
> -Anxiety  
> -Insomnia 
> 
> Also I know this one is kinda short but I thought it was cute and I still love it. I hope you guys do too. This one also holds a special place on my heart because it kinda describes how my situation with depression went and what I felt.

 “Where are you heading to?”

”Huh? Oh, uhm. I’m not sure.”

”Are you lost? Do you have a phone on you? You can use mine to call your parents.”

”No, I-I’m not lost. Just not going home right now.”

”Is something wrong?”

”No, no. Just went to get some fresh air, y’know?”

”On the... city bus? At one A.M.?”

”Uh, yeah, I guess so.”

”Ah, I see.”

”So... are you heading home?”

”I am. Afternoon shift ends at twelve.”

”Must take you a long time to get home if it’s already one.”

”I decided to take a longer bus route today, sight see a bit!”

”Not much to see in this part of town.”

”There’s more than enough to look at.”

”Its ugly though. Dark and gloomy and dirty.”

”Everything is beautiful in its own little way.”

”Mhm.”

”Did you hear me?”

”Yes ma’am.”

”Good boy. So, want to tell me the real reason your on this smelly old bus at one A.M. on a weekday? Don’t you have school tomorrow?”

”I-... yes I have school, but I wasn’t lying! Just came to get out of the house.

”What, you can’t sleep?”

”Not at all.”

”That’s a real shame. I’m telling you schools are working students too damn hard! Poor kids can’t keep their heads screwed on!”

”Amen to that.”

”Anyways, school not treating you well?”

”It’s just hard to focus. The work isn’t hard, I get good grades.”

”You can’t focus because you’re up all night talking to middle-aged women on a bus.”

”Not every night. Only sometimes.”

”Something tells me you ain’t lying.”

”I don’t always go out, y’know. Just when I get bored of staring at the bottom part of the top bunk.”

”That happens a lot I’m guessing. I can tell because you have under eye bags for days, kid.”

”You are the first person to tell me that.”

”And I won’t be the last unless you get your ass into your bed and go to sleep!”

”I told you, I can’t.”

”Ever heard of melatonin? Y’know? Sleeping pills?”

”I’m... not allowed to take unprescribed pills, especially without supervision because-... for reasons.”

”Oh.”

”Yeah.”

”Have you told your doctor? I’m sure they could prescribe you with something?”

”I’m already taking at least four different medications already- and why am I telling you this!? You couldn’t give a shit about me and my problems!”

”Who says? Last time I checked you were you and I was me!”

”I can tell, yeah, I just know when someone- when someone doesn’t care about me. A-And you’re just a total stranger you have you’re own problems to deal with.”

”And I’ll deal with those on my own time, thank you very much. As for being strangers; my name is Kemaya.”

”Peter.”

”Hello, Peter my name is Kemaya it’s nice to meet you. There, now we aren’t strangers. Your problems are now mine.”

”That’s not how-“

”That's how it works in my book. Now tell me, what’s wrong and why you ain’t in your bed dreaming about whatever.”

”I’m tired, y’know? Really tired. I could sleep for three days straight and still be tired, that’s how tired I am. And I’ve tried sleeping pills but I was told I was taking to much so I stopped and now I’m not allowed to take anything other than Tylenol and I need supervision just to take that! I was told if I continued to use the pills I’d overdose and based on my recent history they-... they- would have thought it would have been on purpose.”

”Like suicide?”

”Yeah, like-like suicide.” 

“Have you tried killing yourself before? Is that why they’re nervous about you taking pills?”

”I don’t-... yeah I have and I wasn’t-“

”Were you trying to kill yourself, Peter? When you took to many pills?”

”No, listen I-“

”Answer the question, Peter. I’m trying to help.”

”You’re not helping, you’re making me feel weird and I don’t want to tell you I’ve been trying to off myself because it isn’t your business! I have a therapist, and besides, I won’t see you ever again! Who cares?!”

”I care, damn it. Keep it down so the driver doesn’t hear, Peter, okay? This is between you and me?”

”It shouldn’t be. These are my problems and I need to deal with them by myself.”

“No one said you had to. You go ahead and you talk to whoever you want to, okay? No one can stop you front saying how you feel.”

”I feel like shit.”

”Alright, that's okay. Why?”

”Because-because I haven’t been sleeping good the past few months a-and I haven’t been thinking straight.”

”Okay, keep going.”

”And my head’s been all jumbled up like someone took a pencil and scribbled inside my brain and ruined everything I had.”

”And...”

”-and I had everything perfect. I had friends and an amazing family, great grades, good sleep, free time. Then it all just came crashing down and I barely have time to do school work so my grades have been slipping and I’ve been so caught up in school I don’t hang out with my friends. And my family, god bless them, have been worried about me but I just blow them off because who the hell cares? I’ll be dead anyways!”

”Peter, I-“

”We all die! What’s the difference between dying at sixteen and dying at seventy! It won’t matter because I’ll be dead!”

”That's the most messed up logic I’ve ever heard. Going through life is one of the most amazing chances you’ll ever get. Getting a job, having a family, meeting new people. It’s amazing, Peter.”

”You do all that and then what? You die? What’s the point of living?! I spend all my time figuring how to balance school and friends and family that I don’t get to enjoy life. It’s all the same every day. Get up, go to school, come home and stay up all night working on last weeks late assignments! There’s nothing for me, I’m telling you.”

”That’s just not true. You seem like one of the smartest boys I’ve ever met and I would give my own life just so you could succeed. But I know I won’t have to cause you’ll succeed all by yourself.”

”I just want to die already."

”But why? That doesn’t make any sense! Why would you what to die?”

”To make it quiet. To make all the voices go away to stop all the thoughts in my head. To make time just pause so I can catch my breath. To make it so silent you can hear your own heart beat and make it so I don’t feel anything.”

”Feelings are important, Peter.”

”I hate the way I feel. I feel like nothing is worth anything... I’m not worth anything.”

”You’re worth more than you think.”

”I don’t believe that.”

”You should. I’m telling you right now, you kill yourself today, I’m killing my self tomorrow.”

”Don’t do that, please.”

”So you can off yourself just cause your not worth a life? Hell no, Peter. If you’re going to die, you gotta die for a purpose. But you have to live before you can die.”

”It needs to be quiet.

”No. You need to live so it can be quieter for others.”

The last thing Peter expected to come out from this night was him falling asleep with his head on some random women’s shoulder. Her arm around his shoulder, he closed his eyes and finally let his mind slip away into something other than the constant traffic of thoughts. 

The rest was heavenly. Just sitting there with not a care in the world for anyone around them, or the person who got on the bus and eyed them. Maybe it was odd seeing an African American women clutching a white boy, but Peter didn’t mind it at all. In fact, he didn’t give it a second thought.

Peter always gave things a second, and maybe third or fourth thought.

But tonight, it was just him and this kind lady who took the time out of her peaceful night to talk to him. To actually talk to him. She noticed the bags under his eyes, the way he slouched and clutched his head in his shaking hands. She noticed the way he couldn’t quite  look her in the eye and how his voice cracked as their conversation got more and more dangerous.

Kemaya seemed to radiate some type of secret power. Something that made you feel all warm and cozy on the inside and gave Peter something to feel other than nothingness. He didn’t feel quite as numb as he had moments before. 

Yeah, maybe telling someone you just met you attempted suicide wasn’t the best option, but she was willing to listen, and that’s all that mattered.

Despite his mind constantly telling him that, no, she didn’t give a shit, he believed, deep down, she cared. Of course she did, she asked questions and looked at his face. She was mesmerized by everything he did and everything he said. She acted like he was the most important thing in the world.

And when he woke up at four A.M. on the bus alone, there was still a twinge of happiness inside his heart.

Like his life wasn’t falling apart.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m crying I swear. 
> 
> If you enjoyed, please feel free to comment, leave kudos and save for later! Lots of love- lmc


End file.
